Here I am again, in a season of waiting. I've been here a lot, in God's waiting room... Waiting for the right timing when I'd meet the man who would be my husband and my love story would begin... Waiting for the right jobs to come along and we could start working towards our dreams... Waiting for 9 months until we would meet our son and our lives would change forever...
In that still small voice I hear the Lord whisper to my heart - Wait. While everything else around me speeds by at a pace that leaves me so blatantly aware of how quickly time is passing. The sounds of Baby cooing turns into babbling, and the babbling becomes words. I hear him say Mama and my heart melts and breaks all at the same time.
Wait. The cries proclaiming Baby's dislike of tummy time become the giggles as he crawls quickly across the floor. Baby learns to pull himself up and starts to hold onto his pack-n-play and walk the perimeter, slowly, step by step. I look at him and realize how quickly time is passing - my Baby is 8 months old and this Mama just wants him to stay small a little while longer.
I hear the whisper to my heart again - Be Still. Baby scurries across the floor and he exerts his independence and curiosity a little more every day, this Mama chasing him around and trying to keep up. How am I to be still, when everything around me does not stop, and everything within me is caught in the middle, between life as I know it and the desire to be still, to pause all of life and enjoy this moment - the very one I'm in right now - and cherish it forever. But there is no Pause button on life; there is no Rewind, to go back for another chance at doing things right. There is only Play, moving steadily ahead and doing the best I can, although sometimes I feel stuck in Fast-Forward, living more frantic and frazzled than I want...
Every day, we do the same thing over and over - I look at Baby and I never want to leave him. My heart breaks and a piece of me dies every time I kiss him goodbye and I head off to work. The struggle is real. My heart is to be home with my Baby, to be a 'homemaker' and take care of my family. To be that woman, who is content to serve her family. And yet, the Lord says Wait. Why do I have to wait for something that is good, for something I know God is calling me to be? This is my struggle, to wait on God's timing, to trust that He knows best.
And so I look back to remember the faithfulness of God and the blessings of spending time in God's waiting room...
Waiting for the right timing when I'd meet the man who would be my husband and my love story would begin...
Let me tell you - my husband was worth the wait! He is a good man and I am blessed beyond measure to call him mine! Our love story has had it's ups and downs, but I know without a doubt, that Joe is the one for me! We balance each other out and make each other better because we are together.
Waiting for the right jobs to come along and we could start working towards our dreams...
God provided jobs for both Joe and I that are better than we could have imagined, that allow flexibility and provide benefits that our family needs. Even as I am currently now struggling with some health issues, I am grateful for an understanding boss and great healthcare benefits. I'm glad I waited on God during unemployment and trusted Him to provide His best.
Waiting for 9 months until we would meet our son and our lives would change forever...
God knew I would need that 9 months to prepare myself mentally and emotionally to add a child to our family. Having a baby is a wonderful experience that one can never be completely prepared for, but having this waiting period is one of God's graces for mamas that I am so thankful for, and Baby has indeed changed our lives forever.
Looking back at God's faithfulness, I realize it's not the waiting that is hard...it's the trusting part that is hard. Maybe that's my struggle...Trust, not Timing...Trusting that God is working behind the scenes on something better for me; trusting God to bring His best in His time. This Mama is clinging to Psalm 46:10 - "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'”
Lord, help me to trust You completely, to wait patiently on You and Your timing for the desires You've placed within me to become a reality. May You be exalted in my life, and use my struggles for Your glory. Amen.
