Good Friday: Thankful for a Savior

Jesus paid it all, 

All to Him I owe;

Sin had left a crimson stain, 

He washed it white as snow

O Praise the one who paid my debt

And raised this life up from the dead!

Today is Good Friday, when we take some time to think about what our Savior Jesus Christ did for us on the cross. As I sit here thinking about Easter, I admit I've gotten caught up in the holiday a little. But I've also tried to fight the commercialism associated with this holiday and really think through some of those "traditions". My husband and I have talked: what do we want to do with our kids to celebrate Easter? We've opted out of dying eggs and Easter baskets, but I've been slack this year as to replace it with something truly meaningful to share the "reason for the season". Last year, I did buy a box of Resurrection Eggs to start doing with our family; however, they are conveniently placed somewhere in our house that I haven't found yet. Oops. Better get on that for next year...

So I sit here today alone with my cup of tea and the song verse above floats through my head. The meaning of those words wash over me anew. I know I'm a sinner and I reflect that everyday to my family. I mess up. I make mistakes. I say and do things I later regret. So I'm really good at showing them what a sinner looks like, some days more than others. Not my proudest mommy moments to be sure. But more importantly, I hope that I also reflect my need for God's grace; my need for a Savior, someone to save me from myself and my selfish, sinful ways. 

In everyday life, how do I reflect my need for God's grace and a Savior to my family?

Make time to spend with my Savior. 
Some days it's really hard for me to get up early and make time to read my Bible and pray. Some days I miss it altogether, but I give myself grace and try again the next day. I've noticed that when I carve out even just a few minutes to read a verse and say a quick "Help me today, Lord", I'm a better wife and mommy. I have more patience and I'm calmer about things (most days!). I've come to enjoy this time with the Lord and look forward to it. It gives me time to allow the Lord to speak to my heart, convict me of sin in my life, and to change me for the better.

When I mess up, ask for forgiveness, even from my kids.
I know this is a little strange to ask forgiveness from a 22-month-old when I lose my temper, but I'm showing him a few things: 1) everybody makes mistakes, even mommy; 2) how to take responsibility for my actions; and 3) how to make things right when I was wrong. All lessons he needs to learn to succeed in life and be a good person, right? But humility is tough, even for mommies. Especially for mommies who hate being wrong and having to admit it...my husband can attest to this, that I'm not good about it at all. That's something God is working on me about and I admit I am NOT perfect. So even as I am teaching my kids, God is teaching me; He has a way of using little people to bring out the worst and the best in us. In showing my need for forgiveness, I am teaching my son that he needs forgiveness too when he makes mistakes.

My goal as a wife and mommy is to point my family to Jesus, to reflect Him in all I do. Yes, I make mistakes, but God can still use me and my mess-ups to show my family His love, His grace, and His goodness.

Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice on the cross to save sinners like me. Thank you for washing me clean and giving me life. Help me to reflect you to my family and to point them to you.

If you want to learn more about Jesus' sacrifice on the cross and life with him, visit this link to learn more! How To Know Jesus

The Inner Turmoil of a Working Mama's Heart

     Here I am again, in a season of waiting. I've been here a lot, in God's waiting room... Waiting for the right timing when I'd meet the man who would be my husband and my love story would begin... Waiting for the right jobs to come along and we could start working towards our dreams... Waiting for 9 months until we would meet our son and our lives would change forever...

     In that still small voice I hear the Lord whisper to my heart - Wait.  While everything else around me speeds by at a pace that leaves me so blatantly aware of how quickly time is passing. The sounds of Baby cooing turns into babbling, and the babbling becomes words. I hear him say Mama and my heart melts and breaks all at the same time. 

     Wait. The cries proclaiming Baby's dislike of tummy time become the giggles as he crawls quickly across the floor. Baby learns to pull himself up and starts to hold onto his pack-n-play and walk the perimeter, slowly, step by step. I look at him and realize how quickly time is passing - my Baby is 8 months old and this Mama just wants him to stay small a little while longer.

     I hear the whisper to my heart again - Be Still.  Baby scurries across the floor and he exerts his independence and curiosity a little more every day, this Mama chasing him around and trying to keep up. How am I to be still, when everything around me does not stop, and everything within me is caught in the middle, between life as I know it and the desire to be still, to pause all of life and enjoy this moment - the very one I'm in right now - and cherish it forever. But there is no Pause button on life; there is no Rewind, to go back for another chance at doing things right. There is only Play, moving steadily ahead and doing the best I can, although sometimes I feel stuck in Fast-Forward, living more frantic and frazzled than I want...

     Every day, we do the same thing over and over - I look at Baby and I never want to leave him. My heart breaks and a piece of me dies every time I kiss him goodbye and I head off to work. The struggle is real. My heart is to be home with my Baby, to be a 'homemaker' and take care of my family. To be that woman, who is content to serve her family. And yet, the Lord says Wait. Why do I have to wait for something that is good, for something I know God is calling me to be? This is my struggle, to wait on God's timing, to trust that He knows best.

     And so I look back to remember the faithfulness of God and the blessings of spending time in God's waiting room...
     Waiting for the right timing when I'd meet the man who would be my husband and my love story would begin...
Let me tell you - my husband was worth the wait! He is a good man and I am blessed beyond measure to call him mine! Our love story has had it's ups and downs, but I know without a doubt, that Joe is the one for me! We balance each other out and make each other better because we are together.
     Waiting for the right jobs to come along and we could start working towards our dreams...
God provided jobs for both Joe and I that are better than we could have imagined, that allow flexibility and provide benefits that our family needs. Even as I am currently now struggling with some health issues, I am grateful for an understanding boss and great healthcare benefits. I'm glad I waited on God during unemployment and trusted Him to provide His best.
     Waiting for 9 months until we would meet our son and our lives would change forever...
God knew I would need that 9 months to prepare myself mentally and emotionally to add a child to our family. Having a baby is a wonderful experience that one can never be completely prepared for, but having this waiting period is one of God's graces for mamas that I am so thankful for, and Baby has indeed changed our lives forever.

     Looking back at God's faithfulness, I realize it's not the waiting that is hard...it's the trusting part that is hard. Maybe that's my struggle...Trust, not Timing...Trusting that God is working behind the scenes on something better for me; trusting God to bring His best in His time. This Mama is clinging to Psalm 46:10 - "He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'” 

Lord, help me to trust You completely, to wait patiently on You and Your timing for the desires You've placed within me to become a reality. May You be exalted in my life, and use my struggles for Your glory. Amen.

Marriage: A Team Effort

Our pastor has been doing a series called "Marriage God's Way" and I am loving it! His messages are so on-point and encouraging, yet challenging every week. This past Sunday, he discussed selfishness in marriage and how when we become married, we become a 'team'. Pastor and his wife even have a team name: Team REd (for the letters of their first names, Rachel and Ed).  I've pondered this idea of being a team all week and it's importance in marriage. Joe and I are coming up on our one-year wedding anniversary on March 30th, and looking back over the past year of being married, I'm learning how important it is to truly embrace this idea of being a team. 

I went into marriage with expectations, not just of what my husband would be and do and all that, but expectations for myself, as a wife and taking care of the home and such. On Sunday, Pastor said this: "God wants to use your spouse to make you less selfish and more Christ-like." OUCH!! Looking back, I realize that my expectations - no matter how 'good' - were really selfish; they were a self-righteous To Do list that I could check off and make me feel like I was a good wife and Joe was a good husband. And all would be well with the world. Haha! So not real! In this on-going process of being married, God has truly used my husband to make me more like Him, because marriage is not for my benefit. It's not about me. It's not about Joe. It's about us - as a team.

This idea of being a team has surfaced in our home this week in a very real way. Last night, Joe prepared dinner, and I did the dishes and cleanup afterward. We worked as a team to accomplish a task: dinner and a clean kitchen. Months ago, my expectation for myself would have been that it was on me to prepare the dinner AND cleanup, and Joe could help if he wanted or just relax on the couch after dinner. That expectation proved to be more than I could handle as quiet resentment would build and then I'd have a blow-up at Joe that he never did anything around the house to help me out and we'd just have a huge fight over a dirty pot in the sink. Stupid, I know! But it was real! Instead, last night was wonderful! As we ate, we discussed how we worked well as a team and came up with our team name: Team JoSa (Jo for Joe, and Sa for Sarah). Then we both relaxed after dinner together.  :)

Just this morning, Joe and I prepared breakfast in a team effort (it didn't start that way, but that's how it ended). I had started making some bacon and Joe came home from working overnight. (He tried to sneak in so he could surprise me by making me breakfast but I beat him to it!) After a good morning kiss, he started making French Toast. Instead of me getting upset that he didn't want what I had planned - egg and bacon sandwiches on English muffins - I decided to go-with-the-flow and let him cook. Meanwhile, I washed dishes and I remembered, We're a team. He thanked me for washing dishes, I thanked him for cooking breakfast, and I said, "Go Team JoSa!". We both laughed. But I didn't feel guilty about letting him cook when I was the one who wanted to cook him breakfast. In fact, I felt free - truly free - to just enjoy the moments we shared in the kitchen together and to celebrate "us", Team JoSa. 

It doesn't matter who does what; it matters that we both have a part and we do it together - a team effort. It's not worth fighting over who left a dirty pot in the sink, or who forgot to clean up her hair in the bathroom, or whatever it is that your spouse does to irritate you! :) There needs to be balance, and every relationship is different as we have different strengths from our spouses that play out in how we work together as a team. As Joe and I prepare for Baby M's arrival in 3 months, I am glad that we are learning the importance of being a team now, because we are going to have to be a team in raising our child and keeping our marriage a priority, while carrying on with the responsibilities of life. I'm ready for this challenge!

My advice to newlyweds: embrace the team mentality early in your marriage! It will spare you some frustration and fights! You can learn to enjoy the moments you have together, even if someone forgot to put the dirty socks in the hamper...