The Struggle

     Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what's coming for our family (even though I have NO IDEA what's coming!). I feel like we're on the edge of something big. You ever feel like that? This excitement for something even if you don't quite know what that something is? So most of the day I felt like that - full of hope and trusting that God's got a good plan for us. 
     And then I got a phone call from a good friend who is a new mom and she told me about an event during the day that she got to do with her baby. No big deal, right? But it just hit me when she said something along the lines of how I'll be able to do it too, soon enough. I thought to myself, No, not really. Because I'll have to work full-time AND be a mommy. I'll be in my office, while all the stay-at-home moms are home holding their babies and making the most of every moment with them. Please don't think I have any hard feelings towards this mom or any other stay-at-home moms. I think it is a wonderful blessing to be a stay-at-home mom and take care of your family!! My mom was a SAH mom for years and she was able to home-school me and my siblings. I just always thought I would be a stay-at-home mom too; I never thought I'd find myself in this place where the reality is that I'll have to work full-time and find the balance between work and family. 
     On our way home from work, I expressed these concerns to my husband and I just burst into tears. I told him I'm afraid of missing something. What if I miss the first word, or I miss the first steps, or the other "big things" in the life of our baby? My husband of course tried to comfort me and calm me down. (What is he supposed to say, really?) He reminded me that God is in control and has a plan, that I need to not be ruled by  my emotions, even if I am pregnant and hormonal. {Thank God for a godly husband who can help me get the right perspective!}
     Something my mom would always tell me was that if I wait for the perfect circumstances to do something (like have a baby), then I'd never do it. There's never a "perfect" time to have a baby or do anything else you dream of doing. There's always going to be something that will hold you back - finances, fear, whatever. God knew the timing of this little baby's arrival and he knew where Joe and I stand with our finances and whatnot. It's not the "perfect" time according to us to have a baby, but it is God's "perfect" timing for us to bring this little one into the world. He knew about this long before we did. And He has a plan - "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." (Jeremiah 29:11)      Despite how I might feel today, I know God is good. He is able to comfort my heart and help me to find balance in work and family, to be a good mom when I have to be apart from my little one. He is able to provide for all our needs - the financial, the physical, the emotional. He is more than enough!