Self-Discovery

Many people advise young women to discover who they are while they are single, to not define themselves by who they're dating at the time. I had lots of time as a single woman and I thought I knew myself pretty well. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not too bad either. However, relationships have a funny way of showing you what needs to be changed in your own life. So often, we look at our partner and see what 'they' need to change.

But relationships require love to work. Not the mushy gushy love, but real love. We find a glimpse what this real love is like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7..."Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

If I examine my partner, I must look in the mirror and face the facts of myself. And when I do, I'm seeing what needs to change in my own life. Admittedly, I don't always like what I see. In order to make my relationship work, I must examine myself in the light of love. Am I truly loving my partner? The most recent trip to the mirror has revealed two major things that I need to work on.

1. I am impatient at times. I realize that now, when I see myself getting annoyed with little things that my partner does that just drive me crazy sometimes. But "love is patient" and I'm not truly loving someone if I exhibit impatience with them. Lord, teach me patience!

2. I am selfish. I want my way and most of the time I get it. That doesn't mean I'm always happy, though. Being selfish isn't always as fulfilling as you'd think it would be. But love "does not demand its own way"; so when it's 'my way or the highway' am I exhibiting love? No. It's not about me and I need to remind myself of that and be considerate of others' needs and desires.

I understand that some of these things that need to change are a direct result of being single for a while and not having to work with someone else. But it's not an excuse. God desires that we become more like Christ everyday and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). I know He's not finished with me yet and as I allow the Holy Spirit to work in me, He'll reveal what needs to change and make me more like Jesus.

Transitions

It's official. I have transitioned from being a single girl to being an engaged woman! Engaged - the word that every girl can't wait to boldly proclaim while holding out her hand for inspection. I must admit that as a single young woman, I looked forward to being married and spending my life with someone I love and who loves me. However, rarely did I consider the time in between being single and being married - the engagement. I know it's an exciting time to plan every little detail of the "perfect" wedding, to find the "perfect" dress, and celebrate the fact that the days of singleness and being the third wheel are over. It's a wonderful time in a young woman's life. But I never thought that it would be like this...The engagement is a time of transition, a time for change. And change is sometimes hard. Very hard. Going into the engagement, the young couple in love has made a big change in their relationship and decided to be more serious and exclusive. Their relationship continues to undergo changes and more intense scrutiny as they prepare themselves for matrimony. Not only are they changing as a couple, but they are changing as individuals. They are realizing that it's time to grow up, to mature and take on the additional responsibility of another person, of sharing everything with that person and elevating their well-being above your own. But perhaps the hardest transition of all is...the in-laws. Having one family is hard enough; then you get engaged and you get another family, with people who have different personalities and communication styles. This is difficult for me. It's hard learning to fit in and to love them like a family; to learn what they like and don't like; how they think (or don't think) and to try your best to understand them and pray that they understand you. I didn't think it would be like this. I didn't know what I thought it would be like, but it certainly isn't an easy road. But then again, change is hardly easy in any situation. I must remind myself that when I said "Yes!", I agreed to these changes, perhaps unknowingly, not fully understanding what I was in for. But it's official. I have transitioned to a period of ongoing change, for better or worse. Yet somehow I feel that I have a better understanding of what marriage is - growing and changing together. In the words of Robert Browning, "Grow old with me! The best is yet to be."