Self-Discovery

Many people advise young women to discover who they are while they are single, to not define themselves by who they're dating at the time. I had lots of time as a single woman and I thought I knew myself pretty well. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not too bad either. However, relationships have a funny way of showing you what needs to be changed in your own life. So often, we look at our partner and see what 'they' need to change.

But relationships require love to work. Not the mushy gushy love, but real love. We find a glimpse what this real love is like in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7..."Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

If I examine my partner, I must look in the mirror and face the facts of myself. And when I do, I'm seeing what needs to change in my own life. Admittedly, I don't always like what I see. In order to make my relationship work, I must examine myself in the light of love. Am I truly loving my partner? The most recent trip to the mirror has revealed two major things that I need to work on.

1. I am impatient at times. I realize that now, when I see myself getting annoyed with little things that my partner does that just drive me crazy sometimes. But "love is patient" and I'm not truly loving someone if I exhibit impatience with them. Lord, teach me patience!

2. I am selfish. I want my way and most of the time I get it. That doesn't mean I'm always happy, though. Being selfish isn't always as fulfilling as you'd think it would be. But love "does not demand its own way"; so when it's 'my way or the highway' am I exhibiting love? No. It's not about me and I need to remind myself of that and be considerate of others' needs and desires.

I understand that some of these things that need to change are a direct result of being single for a while and not having to work with someone else. But it's not an excuse. God desires that we become more like Christ everyday and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). I know He's not finished with me yet and as I allow the Holy Spirit to work in me, He'll reveal what needs to change and make me more like Jesus.