Marriage: A Team Effort

Our pastor has been doing a series called "Marriage God's Way" and I am loving it! His messages are so on-point and encouraging, yet challenging every week. This past Sunday, he discussed selfishness in marriage and how when we become married, we become a 'team'. Pastor and his wife even have a team name: Team REd (for the letters of their first names, Rachel and Ed).  I've pondered this idea of being a team all week and it's importance in marriage. Joe and I are coming up on our one-year wedding anniversary on March 30th, and looking back over the past year of being married, I'm learning how important it is to truly embrace this idea of being a team. 

I went into marriage with expectations, not just of what my husband would be and do and all that, but expectations for myself, as a wife and taking care of the home and such. On Sunday, Pastor said this: "God wants to use your spouse to make you less selfish and more Christ-like." OUCH!! Looking back, I realize that my expectations - no matter how 'good' - were really selfish; they were a self-righteous To Do list that I could check off and make me feel like I was a good wife and Joe was a good husband. And all would be well with the world. Haha! So not real! In this on-going process of being married, God has truly used my husband to make me more like Him, because marriage is not for my benefit. It's not about me. It's not about Joe. It's about us - as a team.

This idea of being a team has surfaced in our home this week in a very real way. Last night, Joe prepared dinner, and I did the dishes and cleanup afterward. We worked as a team to accomplish a task: dinner and a clean kitchen. Months ago, my expectation for myself would have been that it was on me to prepare the dinner AND cleanup, and Joe could help if he wanted or just relax on the couch after dinner. That expectation proved to be more than I could handle as quiet resentment would build and then I'd have a blow-up at Joe that he never did anything around the house to help me out and we'd just have a huge fight over a dirty pot in the sink. Stupid, I know! But it was real! Instead, last night was wonderful! As we ate, we discussed how we worked well as a team and came up with our team name: Team JoSa (Jo for Joe, and Sa for Sarah). Then we both relaxed after dinner together.  :)

Just this morning, Joe and I prepared breakfast in a team effort (it didn't start that way, but that's how it ended). I had started making some bacon and Joe came home from working overnight. (He tried to sneak in so he could surprise me by making me breakfast but I beat him to it!) After a good morning kiss, he started making French Toast. Instead of me getting upset that he didn't want what I had planned - egg and bacon sandwiches on English muffins - I decided to go-with-the-flow and let him cook. Meanwhile, I washed dishes and I remembered, We're a team. He thanked me for washing dishes, I thanked him for cooking breakfast, and I said, "Go Team JoSa!". We both laughed. But I didn't feel guilty about letting him cook when I was the one who wanted to cook him breakfast. In fact, I felt free - truly free - to just enjoy the moments we shared in the kitchen together and to celebrate "us", Team JoSa. 

It doesn't matter who does what; it matters that we both have a part and we do it together - a team effort. It's not worth fighting over who left a dirty pot in the sink, or who forgot to clean up her hair in the bathroom, or whatever it is that your spouse does to irritate you! :) There needs to be balance, and every relationship is different as we have different strengths from our spouses that play out in how we work together as a team. As Joe and I prepare for Baby M's arrival in 3 months, I am glad that we are learning the importance of being a team now, because we are going to have to be a team in raising our child and keeping our marriage a priority, while carrying on with the responsibilities of life. I'm ready for this challenge!

My advice to newlyweds: embrace the team mentality early in your marriage! It will spare you some frustration and fights! You can learn to enjoy the moments you have together, even if someone forgot to put the dirty socks in the hamper... 

Update on Joe's job

     In a previous post, I wrote about a job opportunity for Joe with Glidden Paint. He had the interview with the last person and his being offered the position was contingent on him passing a background check and a drug test. So Joe completed all the paperwork and the drug test and we waited and prayed...
     Then Joe got a phone call that the company doing the background check couldn't find any record of him working at a particular restaurant (where he worked for about 5 years!) or record of him attending culinary school. Bizarre! So Joe had to fax over documentation proving that he had indeed been employed and received his degree. And we waited and prayed some more... 
    Joe got another phone call saying that his drug test was incomplete because the nurse at the facility failed to get Joe to sign some documentation allowing them to release the results. So Joe had to take a second drug test. We waited and prayed...
     And finally today, Joe got the call that the job was his!! Praise God!! Joe starts this new position on March 17th, and will attend a sales meeting in Orlando, FL the following week! How exciting!

Babymoon

     This weekend, Joe and I went on a spontaneous "Babymoon"!! We booked a hotel for Friday night and drove down to Ocean City for some much-needed time away.  On Saturday morning, I woke just in time to watch the sun rise over the ocean, right from our bed. I have always wanted to watch the sun rise over the beach with my special someone, so this was one of my "little girl dreams" come true. I was so excited!! Joe didn't quite "get it" because he's not a morning person, but watching the sunrise with him just made my day! 

  

     After a brief and VERY COLD walk on the beach (like 20 degrees cold!), we checked out and started our day by heading to Old Pro Golf and playing a round of mini golf, one of our favorite things to do together. At the end of the game, there was a chance to win a free game by hitting the ball into a small hole at the bottom of this tiki-torch thingy (see pic). And who won the free game?! ME!! Joe was in shock! Especially since when we went on a mini-vacation in August and played, I also won the free game at the end. :) Guess I'm just lucky!

  

     February has been a rough month for us. Joe started working the overnight shift and time together has been strained, as we've been operating on different sleep and work schedules. We've had trouble trying to find time where we are both at our best so that we can have quality time together. But this weekend was wonderful! I had so much fun with my husband and I'm so glad we took time out to be spontaneous together! I feel like our marriage was recharged and we were able to get away from the ordinary to reconnect. 

     Even in this difficult season when it's easy to get frustrated with each other, God is faithful. We are continuing to trust God and pray for His will in our lives. And should this season continue longer than we'd like, I know that God will see us through. One thing I have learned is to truly appreciate my husband: to appreciate that he is willing to do whatever it takes to work hard and support our family; to appreciate how he does help me out around the house and do the little things that I sometimes take for granted; and to appreciate the time we do have together and to make the most of every moment.

Wedding Photos

While I have been attempting to compile our wedding album for several months, I FINALLY got all our wedding pictures organized into a photo album on Shutterfly and I ordered the photo book today. At least it's done before our one-year anniversary (next month) and before Baby comes! Maybe I should start his baby album now? Hmm...

Check out our wedding photo album here: Sarah & Joe's Wedding Album

A Solid Foundation

One thing I was looking forward to in marriage was stability. I looked forward to being married and having someone to come home to and depend on, a house to clean and maintain, a life to build and make our own. I guess I wanted the "hum-drum" of married life, to settle into a routine of work, eat, play, sleep, repeat with my husband, to be predictable. To be secure in my situation and know that life was good.

But...maybe I was relying too much on this idea of stability instead of the One who has the ability to keep me stable in all circumstances; relying too much on the hope for security in unreliable people and situations instead of my Hope when people and circumstances fail me and things seem hopeless.

Since getting married, we have faced one thing after the other and have yet to find the "stability" in our lives that I hoped would come. In our marriage, our house, our jobs, our family - everything has kept changing from the moment we said 'I do'. Looking back over this past year, I feel like every month brought a new trial or change of some sort. But there has been one thing that has never changed through all the craziness...

Joe's last day as a Bosch Sales Rep was January 28th. Until his last day, we didn't know what the next step would be. He had applied for different jobs with no open doors. Close to the breaking point, Joe was offered a full-time position with the Home Depot Merchandising team, but it was hardly ideal. It's the overnight shift, the pay is minimal, and the commute is up to an hour each way. Nevertheless, he agreed to take it, because something was better than nothing and he has a family to provide for now. He started this job this past Monday, February 3rd. To say it has been a rough week in the Mentzer house would be an understatement. But it has made us appreciate each other a lot more and the time that we do have together! 

Even though Joe has this job (and we are thankful!), we have been praying for the right opportunity to come Joe's way. On Joe's last day with Bosch, he was approached by a District Manager for Glidden Paint and this man told Joe he wanted him to work as a sales rep for Glidden and encouraged him to apply online for the job. Joe did apply and we continued to pray and wait, trusting God for His timing and provision. Joe had an interview this morning with Glidden Paint and things went really well. The pay is more than what he was making with Bosch and some other perks of this job - a company car (with a gas card and insurance!), cell phone, laptop, and health benefits with a 401K plan. He has to meet with one more executive and win him over to finalize his employment with Glidden and start sometime in February. I'm not trying to brag about how amazing this job is, but just to show that GOD IS FAITHFUL to provide all that we need, sometimes better than we can imagine, even if that provision comes out of a bad circumstance!! We are trusting God for his favor and to open this door for Joe, if it be His will.

I said before that in spite of all the craziness we have faced in our lives, there has been one thing that has never changed...and that is the faithfulness of God. When I didn't know what to do or how to handle a situation, I have continued to learn to turn to God - for the big and the little things - and to trust His plan. When things looked hopeless, He was my Hope. When things got wobbly, He made us stable. 

I'm reminded of the story of building on a solid foundation in Matthew 7:24-27: 

“Anyone who listens to my [Jesus'] teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

As Christians, our goal should be to be stable, not in and of ourselves, but because we have built our lives upon a solid foundation, Christ Jesus. This year as newlyweds, Joe and I have faced some storms, but we have decided to build our lives on the foundation of Christ. And God has seen us through every single storm that has tried to destroy us. 1 Peter 5:10 says, "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." I can look back and say that God has been the stability that I have longed for. He has been the firm foundation that we have fallen hard on these past several months. Sure, it hasn't been easy or fun, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Joe and I have grown closer to each other and in our relationships with God. And I wouldn't exchange that for all the money, stability or security this world can offer.

Gender Reveal!

     We had our gender reveal party today to find out with our families and friends if we are having a boy or a girl! It was so much fun!! We had a cake made at Yia Yia's Bakery (the same bakery that did our wedding cake). When we had our sonogram on January 13th, we had the sonographer write the gender on a piece of paper and stick it in an envelope. We immediately took the envelope to Yia Yia's for them to make our gender reveal cake. If it was a girl, the cake would be pink; if it was a boy, the inside would be blue. 

     It was a loooong week, waiting to find out what our little one would be!! But it was so worth it! Joe and I both thought for sure it was a boy, and my parents thought it was a boy, but Joe's family insisted it was a girl...When we cut the cake, I screamed and did a happy dance - we were so excited to find out it was a BOY!! Can't wait to welcome our Little Man!!

Our gender reveal cake

Joe and I about to cut the cake!

 

Showing my sister on Skype that it's BLUE!!

It's a BOY!!

Womb with a View

Here's a couple sonogram pictures of Baby M. We can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl and meet him or her!!

Baby M gives us a 'thumbs up'!

Baby M's Profile

The Struggle

     Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I woke up feeling hopeful and excited about what's coming for our family (even though I have NO IDEA what's coming!). I feel like we're on the edge of something big. You ever feel like that? This excitement for something even if you don't quite know what that something is? So most of the day I felt like that - full of hope and trusting that God's got a good plan for us. 
     And then I got a phone call from a good friend who is a new mom and she told me about an event during the day that she got to do with her baby. No big deal, right? But it just hit me when she said something along the lines of how I'll be able to do it too, soon enough. I thought to myself, No, not really. Because I'll have to work full-time AND be a mommy. I'll be in my office, while all the stay-at-home moms are home holding their babies and making the most of every moment with them. Please don't think I have any hard feelings towards this mom or any other stay-at-home moms. I think it is a wonderful blessing to be a stay-at-home mom and take care of your family!! My mom was a SAH mom for years and she was able to home-school me and my siblings. I just always thought I would be a stay-at-home mom too; I never thought I'd find myself in this place where the reality is that I'll have to work full-time and find the balance between work and family. 
     On our way home from work, I expressed these concerns to my husband and I just burst into tears. I told him I'm afraid of missing something. What if I miss the first word, or I miss the first steps, or the other "big things" in the life of our baby? My husband of course tried to comfort me and calm me down. (What is he supposed to say, really?) He reminded me that God is in control and has a plan, that I need to not be ruled by  my emotions, even if I am pregnant and hormonal. {Thank God for a godly husband who can help me get the right perspective!}
     Something my mom would always tell me was that if I wait for the perfect circumstances to do something (like have a baby), then I'd never do it. There's never a "perfect" time to have a baby or do anything else you dream of doing. There's always going to be something that will hold you back - finances, fear, whatever. God knew the timing of this little baby's arrival and he knew where Joe and I stand with our finances and whatnot. It's not the "perfect" time according to us to have a baby, but it is God's "perfect" timing for us to bring this little one into the world. He knew about this long before we did. And He has a plan - "For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome." (Jeremiah 29:11)      Despite how I might feel today, I know God is good. He is able to comfort my heart and help me to find balance in work and family, to be a good mom when I have to be apart from my little one. He is able to provide for all our needs - the financial, the physical, the emotional. He is more than enough!

Fall 2013 Update!

A lot has happened since my last post in September 2013!! 

1. On September 28th, I took a pregnancy test...and it was POSITIVE!!! After being obedient to stop taking birth control in July, we are expecting an addition to our family in June 2014!! We were both a little surprised and Joe was super excited!!  

2. That same week (October 3rd), we started our bathroom remodel project. God made a way and provided every penny we needed to complete it DEBT FREE!! Praise God! (See before and after pics below.)

3. A couple weeks after finding out we were pregnant and in the midst of bathroom remodeling, Joe got a phone call saying his job position would be terminated. This was a surprise to both of us (since he just started this job in August). We are continuing to pray for wisdom and direction, believing for God to see us through and provide for our needs.

4. We celebrated our first married holidays in our home this year. We hosted Thanksgiving dinner with family and celebrated Christmas together, visiting both families after opening our gifts to each other. 

Now on to 2014!! I am looking forward to all that God has in store for us this year!! He has been so faithful to us. I know He has a good plan for us and He'll see us through any trials we may face. I am thankful for all He's done, and for the family and friends we have beside us on this journey. The best is yet to come...